If you know me well, then you know that I’ve always had a passion for photography.  From the moment my parent’s gave me my first camera – a Fisher Price 110 that was blue and had an awesome bright yellow strap – until now, I’ve always loved to take pictures.  When I was deciding on which college to attend, I really wanted to go into photojournalism but felt like my career options might be limited.  While I don’t regret my decision, I do regret the fact that over the past 10 years, I’ve put the camera down.  I forgot how to work manual camera settings and opted for the traditional point and shoot due to convenience, price, and plum laziness I suppose. 

Not anymore.  Those of you who have had a child, a death or another life-changing experience know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that my priorities have changed.  Since having Ian, I’ve done some thinking and decided to stop saying, “I’m not good enough” or “the market is saturated” or “I don’t know where to start” and go for it! I will admit that I have a lot to learn.  I am no where near where I want to be in terms of skill or ability, but the only way to get to the finish line is to start the race. 

So, I’m plunging in.  I’ve hidden behind excuses for too long and am launching Green Horse Creative Services over the next year.  I’m learning from some of the best in the business, taking classes, shooting every day (or nearly), and booking clients. In addition, I’m offering freelance writing services and marketing coordination.  I’m working on my business plan, logo design, “official” blog and numerous other things as I find time.  I don’t expect to get the business up and running too soon for a few reasons.  First, I HAVE to finish my thesis (see mom and dad, I haven’t forgotten).  Second, it takes time. Third, I have a full-time job I love, so fitting all this in is a little complicated. And fourth, umm..I’m a little busy with hugs, kisses, baths, first bites of cereal, giggles and of course, laundry.

Regardless, I wanted to share this news with you – my friends, family and followers. I want you to hold me accountable to go for this dream; and, of course, I’d like the chance to earn your business at some point.

This past week I had the chance to sit down with a local photographer I admire and have a little Q&A. Then, I attended a workshop of composing creative photographs with another local photographer – both sessions were great. I’m posting some of my favorite images from this weekend above.  These are virtually untouched, which is my goal. A few of them had to have the exposure lightened or minor edits, but I want what goes into my camera to be what comes out of the printer if possible.

Many thanks to my hubby for supporting me in this endeavour and for purchasing my first digital SLR for me last month.  I’ll let you know when things get up and running and when the blog goes live.  In the meantime, I’m thanking God for my blessings and figuring out who I am as a photographer.  I’m also reminding myself that I can’t succeed unless I try.

I thought about how everyone said breastfeeding would get easier as time went on.  Wrong.  It’s probably one of the most difficult, challenging, emotional and wonderful things I’ve ever done in my life.  But of all the adjectives I would use to describe it, easy is not one.

With that said, though, I also heard several people say “get ready.”  At first, I wasn’t sure if they meant I should get ready for my vocabulary to shrink to “oohs” and “aahs,” or get ready to be sprayed with a stream of pee that would make a sharp shooter jealous, or to get ready for the ridiculous flood of emotions that come with being a mommy.  Now, I know what they meant. 

They meant for me to get ready for my heart to overflow with love for this tiny little human being.  To get ready to spend hours on end staring in amazement at a little toothless, gummy grin; and to get ready to understand exactly why is was that your own mom cried the day she dropped you off for your first sleep over.

I don’t really know what kind of mom I’ll be as Ian grows up.  Right now, though, I’m a bit overprotective.  For example, when he was only a few weeks old, my sister came over and we decided to get out of the house for a bit.  I needed to pick up some things at the mall, so I figured as long as he was covered and our time there was short, both he and I would be okay.  Boy was I wrong.  As we were leaving, I was pushing the stroller through JC Penney when a little girl made a bee line for us.  I wasn’t really paying attention until a saw a little arm reach into the stroller.  Now, this little girl could have been the sweetest thing in the world, but at that moment you would have thought she was a giant grizzly trying to attack my child.  I reached in the stroller, grabbed her arm, threw it off of him and screamed “DON’T TOUCH HIM!”  Then, like a mad woman running from the police, I took off with the stroller and left the building.  All the while, my poor sister is just staring at me like I’ve lost my marbles.  Looking back, I pretty much did lose the few traces of sanity I do possess and feel bad that the little girl will probably never attempt to get close to another baby.  Needless to say, we stayed in for a few days after that.

I think I’m now over my urge to not let anyone touch him, although I actually do still get a little turn in my stomach when I’m not the one holding him, but I seriously doubt that will be the last time I overreact as a mom.  In the end, though, I hope I can be a mixture of “cool mom” and “strict mom.”  And I hope he grows up happy and healthy and full of life. 

Until next time…I’ll try not to assault any small children.  But if I do, I’ll be sure to let you know.

Luckily, I haven’t had many issues throughout this pregnancy.  I’ve had some hip pain, back pain, and now, some wrist and hand pain, but overall, nothing that isn’t completely worth it.  The biggest pain now, though, is waiting.  Just not knowing whether or not he’ll come tomorrow, or a week from now, or have to be coaxed out of there by modern medicine, seems to be the most annoying part of this process.  Speaking of annoying…at our doctor’s visit last week, my doc essentially called me a “planner” and “in control.”  HA!  If only he knew how far this was from the truth.  Don’t get me wrong, I can be very detail-oriented in my job and I do like to know what is going on around me and a few days down the road, but I would more classify my laundry list of questions for the doctor as “first time mom syndrome.”  I’m just curious about this entire process.  Yes – I do wish there were more tried-and-true ways to predict labor, but alas, I know there are not.  So, until next time, I’ll be sitting and waiting…and loving him more and more each day.  I can only imagine how I’ll feel when I actually hold him in my arms.  It’ll be a nice change from holding my bladder.

On another note, I have to admit that I am extremely absentminded lately. I have so much to do at home and so much to do at work, yet somehow I don’t really want to be either place.  When I get home, I’m exhausted and don’t feel like doing much around the house.  And when I’m at work, I can’t seem to think about much other than this little fella getting here safe and sound.  When I’m not thinking about home or work chores, I’m usually thinking about how I really cannot fathom what life is going to be like when I’m a mom.  Yikes!  I’m going to be a mom!  It’s fascinating, scary, exciting, and every other emotion rolled into one.  Now, if I could just sleep for a few weeks straight…I might be ready.

Today, as I was sitting in the recliner, folding baby clothes and thinking about all the things I want in life, this tiny being inside me kicked me right in the ribs.  No, it’s not the first time, but this time was different.  I started thinking about they kind of man I hope he grows up to be.  I thought about whether or not I’m going to be able to be a firm mom, yet one who loves unconditionally.  I wondered if we’d be able to pay for his braces, sporting events and college education.  I though about his room and how it isn’t quite finished yet.  And I thought about when he might make his appearance into this world. 

I thought about my relationship with my own mom and about my relationship with God.  I wondered how anyone could honestly not believe in something bigger than ourselves when you think about the miracle of a child.  I still haven’t come to grips with the fact that I’m actually growing a baby inside my ever-expanding belly.  I’ve seen ultrasound pictures, met lots of other babies, and read all the books I can find, but for some reason it sometimes doesn’t seem real.  I’m sure in a few months when I’m at the end of my rope from no sleep, sore boobs, and constant worry, it’ll seem all too real.

For now, though,  I’m going to enjoy these little kicks to the ribs.  They make me smile – and then grimace.  And I’m going to write about my experience.  If you would like to join me, feel free.  If not, you’re missing out on an ordinary, extraordinary journey.