Tonight as I sit and stare at my little man in amazement, I started to think about the mixed bag of emotions the past eight weeks have brought with them. I thought about how everyone told me I wouldn’t get stretch marks if my mom didn’t get them. Wrong. I didn’t have a single mark until week 39, but from week 39 to week 42 the capillaries of the Nile decided my stomach would be a great place to replicate themselves.
I thought about how everyone said breastfeeding would get easier as time went on. Wrong. It’s probably one of the most difficult, challenging, emotional and wonderful things I’ve ever done in my life. But of all the adjectives I would use to describe it, easy is not one.
With that said, though, I also heard several people say “get ready.” At first, I wasn’t sure if they meant I should get ready for my vocabulary to shrink to “oohs” and “aahs,” or get ready to be sprayed with a stream of pee that would make a sharp shooter jealous, or to get ready for the ridiculous flood of emotions that come with being a mommy. Now, I know what they meant.
They meant for me to get ready for my heart to overflow with love for this tiny little human being. To get ready to spend hours on end staring in amazement at a little toothless, gummy grin; and to get ready to understand exactly why is was that your own mom cried the day she dropped you off for your first sleep over.
I don’t really know what kind of mom I’ll be as Ian grows up. Right now, though, I’m a bit overprotective. For example, when he was only a few weeks old, my sister came over and we decided to get out of the house for a bit. I needed to pick up some things at the mall, so I figured as long as he was covered and our time there was short, both he and I would be okay. Boy was I wrong. As we were leaving, I was pushing the stroller through JC Penney when a little girl made a bee line for us. I wasn’t really paying attention until a saw a little arm reach into the stroller. Now, this little girl could have been the sweetest thing in the world, but at that moment you would have thought she was a giant grizzly trying to attack my child. I reached in the stroller, grabbed her arm, threw it off of him and screamed “DON’T TOUCH HIM!” Then, like a mad woman running from the police, I took off with the stroller and left the building. All the while, my poor sister is just staring at me like I’ve lost my marbles. Looking back, I pretty much did lose the few traces of sanity I do possess and feel bad that the little girl will probably never attempt to get close to another baby. Needless to say, we stayed in for a few days after that.
I think I’m now over my urge to not let anyone touch him, although I actually do still get a little turn in my stomach when I’m not the one holding him, but I seriously doubt that will be the last time I overreact as a mom. In the end, though, I hope I can be a mixture of “cool mom” and “strict mom.” And I hope he grows up happy and healthy and full of life.
Until next time…I’ll try not to assault any small children. But if I do, I’ll be sure to let you know.
I absolutely love it! great blog! And I can relate to being overprotective. I was prepared for the stretchmarks but not for the overwhelming feelings that accompany being a parent. I thoroughly enjoyed this!
Thanks for not assaulting me when I hold/play with him
No problemo!
Really enjoyed your blog. Isn’t a baby a blessing from God! My 4 sure were and still are! (not to mention the grandchildren!) I’m happy for you.
Great blog Allison!! Isn’t it amazing that you can’t imagine the depth of feelings you can have for a child until you actually have one? I now look at my kids in amazement at how they are becoming these wonderful individuals with distinct personalities and talents. Enjoy the ride Allison……
Isn’t motherhood the most wonderful thing in the world Allison? Closest thing to understanding a little bit of the love of God than anything else I know. I’m sure you are a wonderful mother! Hope you have a happy Mother’s Day!! Love you!